Drawing Near to God in the Midst of Holiday Stress

We all have people, places, situations that trigger us. And we’re dealing with lots of explicit memory and implicit memory at the holidays. Unfortunately, the holidays can sometimes be a minefield. Whether we’re walking into a full holiday party of strangers or our step-father’s linoleum covered kitchen, we can easily slide into high anxiety where our heart rate speeds up, we start breathing shallowly, and without realizing it, we’re already in fight or flight, desperately looking at our phones wanting to numb or cut the time short.

But what if we could walk into the work holiday party holding onto Jesus’ hand?  Imagine what kind of brain space, peace, joy, and the ability to love other people that would open up? Because it’s true you know. It’s only we who live as practical atheists separated from the attentive, responsive and engaged love of our Abba. BUT, What if we could ask the Spirit to awaken our holy imagination to the truth that Jesus is already there, arms out, a wide smile on his face, saying, “The party doesn’t start until you get here.”?

In an earlier episode, I shared my mom’s story of a hard move, the fears which had her paralyzed, and her therapist’s statement, “Oh Beth, you’re painting a picture of your new life without Christ in it.” This is the lie at the base of our deepest fears.

But, what if we were to paint the truth or become aware of Christ’s Presence in our most stressful days? This could transform the holidays. It could transform every day.

But first, I have a treat for us:

The week before Thanksgiving I asked the presence project facebook group about their favorite PP practices and how they’ve used them.  What connected. What stuck. And then I asked them if I could share their thoughtful and highly practical replies with you.

So today’s podcast episode is a chorus of different voices, all people like you who desire to live more fully awake in God’s Presence. It’s full of reminders, hacks, tips, and the authentic journeys of other listeners.  You’ll be inspired by their unique stories. Because all our journeys with Christ are unique. The spiritual life is never one-size fits all and if anyone is trying to sell you a formula, they are packaging mystery into a tight little box. And If there’s anything I’ve learned through being an Anglican priest and a spiritual director is that God is so incredibly kind to walk alongside us at our pace and willing to get his hands dirty deep in the muck of our own particular story. 

I am sure that today you’ll hear something from another listener that will spur you on in your own practice to become more aware of God’s transforming Presence in the middle of your Monday morning ordinary life.

Together we’ll walk through each simple tool we’ve talked about thus far to remind us of the toolbelt we have as we walk toward what can sometimes be a stressful season.

As I said, this is the end of season 1 and  I’ll be taking Advent off in order to create a lectio divina course for mid-January. We’ll be starting the year off right by slowing down the word to encounter it in a fresh way. The course will not only give the ins and outs of lectio divina, but I will carefully pick scriptures to help root and establish us in the love of God, another practice for attaching to Him. Together, we’ll slowly digest our identity as God’s Beloved. A feast is in store for us my friends.

Make sure you use the pop-up form or put your email or subscribe on the right to sign up for the newsletter to receive more info after Christmas.

We’re headed into the holiday season, a season of feasts but also of family stress.

We’re all aware that joy rarely stands alone. We can be all over the  emotional map even on Christmas morning. The older I get, the more I realize we are complex, a daily mixture of pain and joy. The question is, can we invite Jesus to walk with us in our complexities. Can we sift through the fog of our internal narratives and find Him in the nativity? There is often so much joy to be found but we can be run over by stress, by to do lists, and triggers, and we miss it all. But here’s the question: Can we stay awake to the Presence of Jesus?

Can we stay awake to the Presence of Jesus, settle into His loving care like we sink into an old couch, and let His light cut through our fog?

Last month I had the privilege of sitting down with Sue Fulmore, a presence project listener, at a quaint tea shop in Charlotte and hear how breath prayer had helped her stay awake to joy and the Presence of God in her fall vacation to Croatia. And I asked her to write her story down so I could share it with you. And by the way, You can read more of her journeys and thoughts on faith at her website, suefulmore.com

“Earlier this year my husband and I were traveling through Croatia and Slovenia. We are planners and love to map out our days ahead of time, booking cute little apartments and our modes of transportation in advance. This trip we decided to travel by planes, buses and ferries so neither of us would need to navigate driving in a country so new to us. We have done this before and enjoy just being able to sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.

The morning of Sept. 16, we woke up early and headed to the bus station in Ljubljana, Slovenia to catch our bus back to Zagreb, Croatia to catch our plane to the pearl of the Adriatic, Dubrovnik. We had booked an early bus so we would have lots of time to make it to Zagreb, grab some lunch and then head to the airport for our flight to the southern tip of the county. Always ones to arrive early, we sat outside in the fresh air and waited for our bus to arrive.

The depot was a very busy place with numerous buses heading to cities all over Europe. It was fascinating to watch as passengers were dropped off, met by family or friends, or conversely said their tearful goodbyes. We diligently watched and kept asking the drivers of the buses that pulled up if it was the one we were booked on, each time being turned away, with the assurance ours would soon arrive. After waiting what seemed like an eternity, my husband went inside to inquire about our bus. We were told it had been delayed and would arrive an hour late. No problem, we thought. We had built lots of extra time into our schedule.

A few minutes later there was an announcement that our bus would be 2 hours late due to delays at the border. Worries about missing our flight, and not arriving in time to meet our hosts began to consume my thoughts. All of our careful planning could not guarantee smooth sailing. I could feel my anxiety rising. We went into the depot to ask if other bus lines had options and were informed there were no other buses headed in the direction we wanted to go. We would just have to wait. 

Eventually the bus arrived and all of us who had been waiting, by now impatiently, boarded with some relief. As we headed down the highway, we knew there was no assurance we would be on time to catch the flight we had so confidently booked. My breathing had become shallow and I tried to force myself to take deep breaths and relax.  I tried to reason out what we would do feeling my shoulders inching up towards my ears and my whole body tightening with worry. Talking it out with my husband only seemed to intensify my fears.

I put in my earbuds to listen to a podcast. I had been listening to the Presence Project frequently in the previous few months and chose the next one in line. As we were riding along in the neon colored Flix bus, Summer’s soothing voice and words reminded me of God’s presence right there with me. I began taking deep breaths, remembering that I am a favourite of God’s, and He will never leave me.

I felt my body relax, my breathing slowed. I was consciously breathing in His care for me reminded that He is a good Father who takes care of His children.  I had not been left alone, but I could trust in the care of my Father. I don’t think I consciously used the word trust in breath prayer but that is what was happening.

I was reminded that I am being held in the hollow of God’s hand no matter where on this earth I roamed. It did not matter whether we missed our flight or not since I was sure of His presence and provision for me. If we did get stranded in Zabreb, I could rest in His care for the remainder of the journey. I looked out the window and began enjoying the farmhouses passing by, the villages. When I was in a straight jacket of stress, it was as if I was in a fog of worry so that nothing came into focus but breathing in God’s care, I began experiencing what we had come here for, glimpses of the beautiful countryside.

As it turned out, the bus driver made up time by putting the pedal to the metal, the border crossing took only minutes, and we were able to make it to the airport with time to spare for a quick lunch. In turning my attention from my problems to gaze at the face of Jesus and seeing Him gazing back at me with such love, I rested in the assurance that I was in good hands no matter the outcome.

Breath Prayer

In her fantastic travel story, our friend Sue shared how the simple practice of breath prayer can reground us in the care of God and invite us to re-awaken to the gifts God has planted in the present moment.

In episodes 1-6 I talk about the very simple way of turning off the stress hormones in your body by breathing 3-5 times and extending your exhale. When we calm our nervous system at the same time as we say a short breath prayer, like the Lord is my shepherd, or Abba Father, I belong to you, we come into a space of peace in the Presence of God. We’re being led beside the still waters of Psalm 23.

Practice it with me for a few minutes.

1. What is the cry of your heart today friend? Listen.
2. Now can this need be translated into a simple word or prayer?
3. Now break it up into an inhale and an exhale.

Later in episode 21 I introduced Centering Prayer, another type of breath prayer, and the gift of returning to our intention to stay in the Presence of Jesus through a simple word or phrase. Centering prayer is practiced for longer segments, one minutes, five minutes, 10, or 20. 

My mom introduced me to the Centering Prayer app and I’m just thankful to give this bossy little phone something constructive to do. You can choose intro music, ending music, and it keeps a timer for your silence.

Here’s presence project listener Angie Hull:

“Breath prayer has really been helpful. I don’t think I grasped its power until your teaching and podcasts. I’m in a season where I’m in the squeeze and I don’t have the time to linger like I like to and like comes easy to me. I am truly addicted to Him. And I feel like breath prayer, stillness, centering prayer….your syllabus has provided tools to spend time with Him in motion, when it is chaotic.”

Susan Ely says Centering Prayer calms her before she goes to sleep. I’ve been told by many people with insomnia that they listen to the podcast or slow word lectio divinas to fall asleep. I find that a great privilege.

Here’s Sharon Rhodes Hall: “When I awake in the night with concerns about how I am going to possibly have a Sabbath with my husband, for example, when I work really hard on Sundays as children’s ministry director, and my husband works really hard on Sundays with his share in ministry but also has a fulltime job otherwise. And I start to worry that we are never having Sabbath, which turns into resentment and a feeling of burnout. I practice a breath prayer or a centering prayer, just lying there with God’s presence, and I feel His calm and encouragement that He hears and will provide. And the next thing I know I am waking the following morning from restful sleep.”

Karren Hodgkins from South Africa uses a timer throughout the day to remind herself to include breath prayer. And I loved this. Karren said she uses it before meetings as an intentional way of focusing as she leads and guides the sessions. Then she said, “I use it should I begin to feel anxious as well. If I’m concerned a communication may not be received the way I want to, I also stop and breathe prayer asking that any shortcomings of mine are covered by His grace.” 

Katrina Hunter Palsky said this: “Centering prayer is very powerful for me. I cannot believe how it has helped me connect with Jesus when I feel anxious. I have been able to move away from harassing thoughts and rest. An Unbelievable gift for sure.”

And from Tammy Wretlind: “Centering prayer has been the most helpful for me. It reminds me of the period where I was so very close to my Abba due to several very difficult circumstances that happened within a short time. As my own healing journey has progressed, I started incorporating centering prayer focusing on love and healing in the presence of Jesus.”

Fibro-stricken left a review on itunes about breath prayer: “Your first episode (The presence of the Holy Spirit) brought me to tears as I felt the depth of meaning of breathing the words, “Abba Father, I am yours.” I was drawn to listen to your podcast, honestly, at first, because the soothing tone of your voice and the depth of meaning behind your words. And then after listening and experiencing the breathing prayer, I was incredibly relaxed and felt like I could tackle anything in my day despite my  moment by moment pain from fibromyalgia.)”

10 Minutes of Stillness

The second practice we covered is called #10minutesofstillness and is perfect for those moments of overwhelm when you feel yourself slipping into stress for a powerful way to re-integrate the brain, become grounded, and reconnect to He who desires to share the moment with you. Try episode 7: An On-Ramp to Joy,  ep. 8: A spiritual practice for a summer day, or ep 10: A Christian View of Mindfulness. 

Here’s how it works: 1 minute on each sense, first hearing, then sight, focusing on a detail, then touch, let your fingers touch your chair, your feet on the ground, etc, then smell and taste. Again, Experience each sense without judgement or without meaning, just let the information come into your awareness. Second, what are you thankful for that you’ve just experienced? Third, become aware of Jesus with you and tell Him about your gratitude.

This is all backed by brain science and balanced Christian theology.

Mom and I did a debrief after our in July at her cottage in Maryland with a cape cod full of joy, 16 people, lots of expectations, and maybe a little too much chaos. Mom and I put on our tennis shoes and took evening walks to the choptank river, sat on the dock, set our timer for 10 minutes and find that 10 minutes felt more effective than an hour’s nap. As we walked back, lightning bugs blinked in the bushes to our right and the sounds of summer insects seemed to have grown in volume. Our sense of wonder was heightened and knowledge that all of this came from the hand of a good God. In fact, we both said that #10minutesofstillness transformed our summer vacation from overwhelm to an increased ability to be fully present in the here and now with God and with our people. 

When I focus on the details of the senses, I train the inner narrative to be still, creating white space for the Voice of God.

In fact, it sounds like a perfect practice to use this Advent or even on Christmas morning.

This is from Stacy Gruseck Jessel who wrote this post on our facebook site. Find it here:

“As we entered into the season of Advent last week, I decided to revisit the practice of 10 minutes of stillness. I’m not certain why, but I have resisted using this practice, and have not engaged with it since the summertime. As I Intentionally increased my awareness of the moment, I was struck by the difference in my experience.

Instead of a soft breeze on bare skin, I feel warm air blowing from the heating vent, and watch it gently ripple the draperies. The bright golden sunshine has given way to low gray clouds and thin, pale, watery light. Children are in school, and it’s too cold for the neighbors and passers by to linger on porches or sidewalks. Windows and doors are closed, and many of the birds have gone to warmer climates for the winter, so what I noticed most as I became still was the silence.

As I continued to sit in the quiet, I became aware of tension in my shoulders, and a clenching in my stomach triggered by fear of too many uncertainties in the upcoming weeks. The signs of low level, chronic anxiety were so incongruous with the stillness around me, and I asked the Lord for Peace. I had just read in a devotion earlier that morning that Joy is a fundamental constituent of peace. Joy seems to me a bigger, and louder emotion beside the quiet, softness of peace, and I wondered how it could be a necessary component.

The Holy Spirit brought to mind the quiet after a big snowfall; when the wind has stopped blowing, and the air is sharp and clear. With the thick, heavy blanket of snow covering the ground, sounds are muffled and in the quiet, a heightened sense of awareness triggers a tingle of excitement.

A Holy Hush, as though the whole of creation has gathered its breath in expectation.

This is the joy of Advent. We wait with bated breath for Christ to enter into the darkness of our circumstances, and transform them and us by His presence. We wait with hope and excitement because we know that He is faithful, and we stand firm…consecrating ourselves to the Lord today, for tomorrow He will do amazing things among you. (Josh 3:5).

I experienced a lift in my mood as I contemplated not the challenges that lay ahead, but the goodness of the One who is coming for me, and realized that Joy does indeed lead to peace.

I am praying today that as you wait, it will neither be in fear, nor dread, but in joyful expectation for your Salvation is at hand!”

Susy Burchfield said this about 10 Minutes of Stillness: “After six months I continue to practice 10 minutes of stillness for a “mini Sabbath” and I do it as often as I can. To me, it’s like hitting the reset button; after these 10 minutes I tend to feel refreshed, thankful, hopeful and renewed. It’s like a mini spa appointment for my spirit, soul and body.”

 And I love how Yvonne Green paints a picture of her 10 Minutes of Stillness:  
“Weather permitting, I sit on my deck with coffee predawn. Listening to stillness, maybe birds, or summer insects. Watching clouds, the moon and stars in the sky. I find that when I start the day this way, I am more calm and unhurried throughout the day. It was also a new practice for me, so that helped me focus.”

A Sensory Reminder of the Presence of God:

For our 3rd practice, we used a sensory reminder of the Presence of God. A cross in our coat pocket as we take a walk. Fingering a heart around your neck remembering that God sees you as His Beloved. Lighting a candle in your kitchen and using the flicker to bring your mind back to practicing the Presence of God.

Over 50 men and women shared how our candle practice transformed their ability to remember the Presence of our Immanuel with them during their day to day lives. They parked their flickering reminder in the midst of their messy lives, giving them a still point to remember the God of the universe is attentive in the middle of their ordinary.

Then quite a few of us began carrying around a mobile reminder of God’s Presence, a stone or a clinging cross.

Here’s what my friend Jenni Bartling said that she still does every morning:  “I’m still drawing the cross on my wrist, and I trace it (most of the time) when I’m anxious, fearful, sad, and/or confused, simultaneously using my breath prayer. Truth be told, I determined the drawn cross would be safest, because I was certain I’d lose any other item! Funny enough, my niece gave me this sweet cross bracelet for my birthday, and I wear it nearly everyday. The cross almost always slides to the backside of my wrist, and there they are, side by side.

“THE PRESENCE PROJECT has been an opportunity to connect all the head knowledge I’ve gained from all the Bible studies I’ve been in with the all the heart knowledge I desire. For so many years, I’ve longed to *really* connect with God. *Really* know He is in the room with me. *Really* trust He does what is best. *Really* believe He’ll direct my steps. I know Who God is–but I questioned where He is. Not anymore and I’m so grateful.”

Donna Ham’s story about her candle struck me most. Her husband is a local fire chief in the greater Atlanta area and candles were never an option in their house. When she talked about having a lit candle for a month in her home, it was clear the flame deepened her awareness that because the Trinity was present, even her ordinary space was holy ground.

“About the candle,” she wrote in a message this week,.  “The visual of the warmth of the flame was wonderful for me.  In fact, It was such a blessing to me that Dennis is happy to support me as I keep a candle in my Bible reading area.  I find the glow of the candle both inviting and comforting. As I see the sense of life the burning flame gives off as it flickers…  breathing, moving, active… this is how I connect to the presence. It reminds me that the Presence of God is here in my space, breathing, moving, and active.

Debbie Langenegger Cowles , a missionary in England, said this: “Everything has been so helpful. Practicing the presence has been very significant. Mentally turning to Jesus to get his opinion, direction , comfort, etc. I have been to good Evangelical churches all my life, and I am 57 and I have never understood how to practice the Presence of God in such a real way as this. Or if I experienced it once in a while, it was just that — once in a while.

So at times of confusion and uncertainty, I just look to Jesus, just ask Him what His response or advice is. Sometimes I feel like He’s just smiling at me. One time he gave what seemed to be a gentle, clear look that I knew meant: “wait, don’t do anything. Don’t pursue this.” You know how your children can read your look in public when with your eyes you’re telling them to stop or not say anything. It was kind of like that.

I struggle with insomnia and sometimes I ask him where he is in the room. One time I sensed he was sitting on the edge of the bed comforting me. One time the picture I got was that he was kneeling beside the bed praying for me. Very powerful.”

And here are a few more general comments:

Stacy Grusseck Jessel invites us to press into a practice which may challenge us: “Breath prayer and Lectio are my “go-to’s”, but my most powerful experience was in centering prayer. While some of the practices speak to my “bent”, I look forward to the blessings of the practices that don’t come as easily. “

Joyce said this: “I have been walking through the valley of the shadow of death and deep sadness and this podcast was recommended by a friend. I am so grateful for the practices that Summer shares here and for the presence and resurrection it is bringing to my soul.” 

And Jenny Powell shared this: “I’ve been touched a little by all the practices. Breath prayer is what I always return to and I’m very grateful for the teaching on attachment theory! I’m currently processing my deep loneliness and it’s core ‘the lack of an attentive face’. I’m beyond grateful! Thank you!”

And then here’s Carie Roth: “I know this will not be helpful, but I have really loved each practice. Having fresh practices has helped to keep my connection with the Lord more engaging. My connection with Him feels so much deeper and more consistent.”

Next month we will begin the beautiful and ancient practice of lectio divina, a divine reading of scripture. We’ll be slowing down the word to encounter it in a fresh way, and even more importantly, to encounter God Himself in a fresh way, and resting in His love. We’ll savor, soak in, marinate in the truth of God’s love for us and His character, the perfect attachment figure, always accessible, responsive, and engaged.

Prayer Practice:

Join me on episode 24 at 38 minutes for the prayer practice leaning into the companionship of Jesus in the middle of a triggering holiday event.

An Advent Prayer:

Jesus, 

This Advent we sit with the ache of finding ourselves on the earth too late and too early to have experienced your full incarnated Presence. We are too late to smell the hay and witness your face turned toward us, your infant eyes following us around the room. Too late to watch you grow up, racing around Jerusalem. And as you began your ministry, we mourn that we are too late to be invited close to the warmth of your inner circle like Peter, James and John. We are too late and too early to experience your voice reverberating around us, your authority over wind and waves. Too late to experience you call us Daughter like the woman with the issue of blood. There’s no hem for us to grasp but prayer. 

We are too late to stand at the foot of the cross to witness the great cost of love, your life draining. Too late to stand shoulder to shoulder with the other women. We are too late to feel the tremors of the earthquakes. Death rendered powerless, the curtain ripping. Too late to hear our name called and grasp your ankles like Mary Magdalene on Easter morning. Too late to run our fingers over your scars like Thomas. Too late to eat breakfast on the beach, fish over coals, fixed by your hands. And while we are deeply thankful for your Spirit, you who are the Paraclete, the Come along side one, walking with us, the transformation of our lives, the healing, the hope, Jesus, we long for your face, your touch, your voice.

And yet even as we’re too late, we are also standing in these centuries too early for your bodily return, your kingdom descending, injustice lifting like fog, eliminating disease, and setting the earth right. 

We are homesick for your Presence and confess this Advent how easy it is to wander. We fill this emptiness with a thousand shiny things but miss your light. We fill the emptiness with pointless noise instead of leaning into the silence of waiting. We confess we build walls thinking we’re protecting ourselves but end up keeping the kingdom out. We see the brokenness around us and despair instead of leaning into spirit-fueled anticipation.  We are weary of the pain. Weary of grief. Weary of sin’s sneer. 

Come Lord Jesus Come. We long for you coming in flesh and blood. 

And so this is our Advent prayer:

Give us as much of yourself as you can and as much of yourself as we can handle in these anemic times and then give us more. Pry our hearts open wider. Build our capacity.  This is what we want for Christmas. More of you. The weight of your presence.

Happy Advent Friends, God strengthen us in the waiting and purify us for more of His Presence.

An Invitation:

This next January we’ll be jumping in with both feet through the Presence Project facebook page. Join us there for our upcoming lectio divina course. 

It’s been an incredible privilege journeying with you this year. A joy to hear your stories and learn your names and I can’t wait for what the Lord is going to do in us together in the coming year. More of His healing. More of His Presence. Our project will be joining together into a crescendo.

And this Advent and then into Christmas, may you know that you are being held in the hollow of God’s hands.