Your Emotion and God’s Limitless Compassion

The Presence Project is all about helping you find home-base in the heart of God.

What do I mean by Home-base?

St. Augustine put it this way, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You, O Lord.”

But here’s the thing: We have a new adopted Father but for most of us for a hundred different reasons our bond is frail. Strong at times. Fragile at others. We have a place at his table. Already set. But we still live as though we are orphans. 

So even though we are Christians, our anxiety is still through the roof and at its core, anxiety means that we don’t feel safe. 

Developing home-base in the heart of God is an invitation to rest in His love so that our nervous systems can be quieted and new neural pathways can be formed so God can establish an earned secure attachment with us.

Again, This is not a quick fix, this is a journey.

But here’s the good news; there are millennia of whispers from the saints of old on how this attachment, this deep abiding, this powerful union is formed. In the Presence Project I teach ancient Christian contemplative practices to root and establish us in God’s love…to put our ear on his chest, to hear him whisper our name, and to experience his comforting presence throughout our tender places until his love becomes home-base.

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When Covid-19 brought all of our lives to a screeching halt this spring, I decided to stop podcasting for a time and introduce a new practice to the Presence Project community called Immanuel Journaling. I knew we needed strong medicine to walk us through the grief and heightened anxiety in the presence of God. 

Immanuel Journaling is a tool designed by marriage and family therapist Sungshim Loppnow to help clients metabolize emotion WITH God. This beautiful practice is explained in the book, Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel written by Sungshim Loppnow, her husband John,  friend Anna Kang, and neuro-theologian Jim Wilder. I ask you to please buy their practical book from Amazon or wherever you buy your books. 

Also, as you subscribe for the newsletter on the right, I’ll give you a copy of the Immanuel Journaling process which these folks are so generous to hand out.

But before we dive into the stages of Immanuel Journaling in sequential podcast episodes, we need to establish this one thing: 

Our God doesn’t want you to sift through the ups and downs of your life without him. Your emotions are an invitation to connection. With tenderness, he invites you to pull all of the mess and muck of your life out of your pockets, one longing, one grief, one joy, one disappointment at a time, set it in his hands and watch him turn each item over with compassion, looking into your eyes and letting you know you don’t have to do this alone. He’s with you. You’re seen, heard, valued, and held. 

Andrew and I were wide awake before dawn on our first morning in Jerusalem. We were in town for a conference. After a quick cab ride, we were dropped off at the Jaffa gate. We were hurrying into the Old City at the same time students were rushing to the western wall, Talmud in hand, fringe from their tallit and long curls flying. Standing on the wall of Old Jerusalem, we watched the sunrise, a tremulous pool of gold first, then long rays from over the Mount of Olives. The sun rose exactly where Jesus had ascended and where many believe he will return.  We stood with our face to the light, asking for more light. We stood wondering like thousands before us when Immanuel would return.

After the sunrise, we walked toward the Western wall, staying at a respectful distance. I wore sandals and the stone was cool on my feet. In front of us, Rabbis sat at tables or groups of chairs with their students, singing, praying, some whispering, some loud, a beautiful cacophany. They wrapped and unwrapped the black straps of the tefillin, literally binding the words of scripture on their forehead and arms. Huge scrolls were pulled out on large podiums and the scripture read from loudspeakers which had to be wheeled in and out. Their singing was haunting, more a cry than a song. In counterpoint to the minor tone, young boys ran from rabbi to rabbi. The rabbi would dip his hand into his bag, pull out a piece of candy, and the boy would skip away.

That was the summer I was holding a fear so tender I could only whisper it in the dark. Yet I was sick with it. I’d wake up in the night to run the bathwater and sit in the warmth to let the tears fall. 

A few days later, again I was awake early with Andrew and a few friends. This time  I walked into the women’s section and held onto the wall praying, slipping the words of my prayer into a crevice. I looked up. Masses of yellow flowers cascaded out of the cracks. I wondered what sort of answer my sown prayer would receive. 

What I did know that as a child of God, Jesus, my chief intercessor was carrying my cries straight to the Father. Writing the words of my prayer brought the request into the light in his presence. Instead of holding it close until I was sick with the fear of it, it was now OURS, God and mine. What a relief to know my fear did not shock him, he was not dismissing my pain, and he would be fighting on my behalf. I was no longer alone in the dark with my fear. The Immanuel was holding it with me.

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There’s something you may not know about Jerusalem. The wailing wall buts up against the exposed stones from Solomon’s temple closest to the holy of holies. 

Corporate Laments are cried toward the Holy of holies every day. Private laments are wept while hanging onto the wall. This is holy ground. And each and every account of suffering is tenderly held in the heart of God.

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There’s no hierarchy of emotions in the kingdom of God. No emotion which God refuses to have in his presence. How do I know? There’s no hierarchy of emotions in the Psalms. David’s prayer is not parsed. Disappointment. Discouragement. Depression. Doubt. He bared his heart in the ragged condition he found himself. Then he lifted it up before the Presence of God.

These are the prayers David prayed regularly to the Almighty and the Lord welcomed. Into the canon of scripture.

And this is what I want you to hear: Western stoicism has no place in Judaism and it has no place in Christianity. Our emotions are just messengers that there’s something underneath that’s trying to say something. Emotions are an invitation to listen to the tender places of our heart. And God loves listening with us. 

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This too is prayer. 

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It’s all an invitation to communion. Intimacy.

And all intimacy is founded on emotional vulnerability. This is how attachment is formed.

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Dr. Daniel Siegel tells us attachment is built on a relationship where we feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. This is the foundation of Immanuel Journaling, coming close to He with whom we are safe, seen, soothed, and secure. We’ll be saying a lot more about this in coming episodes.

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So, I’ve got a question, If we’re struggling to believe our pain is invited into the Presence of God,  is it possible we’re still believing the narrative around emotions we received from our family of origin? 

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Have we bought into the lie of western stoicism transferred through people who were just a little too busy to sit with the messiness of our emotions? 

Maybe you brought your grief, fear or pain and heard some version of this:

1. It could be worse
2. Don’t be upset.
3. You’ll be fine!
4. Or they redirected back to themselves – I totally get it…one time this happened to me…
5. What if you try this…
6. At least you’re not experiencing what she is…
7. Look on the bright side…look for the silver lining.

What they were saying is, “Your pain makes me feel uncomfortable.”

Maybe your inner voice sounds like your mom or your high school basketball coach, which has now been internalized as your own stoic inner perfectionist. Maybe it sounds something like this: Don’t whine. Just get over it. You don’t have time for this. 

We do violence to ourselves when we dismiss our emotion or force a silver lining before giving ample room for what’s really going on inside. 

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Because Just to be abundantly clear, this dismissive voice is NOT the voice of God. Remember, Jesus knew what was going to happen when he walked into Bethany after Lazarus’ death and when Mary fell at his feet in grief, he didn’t say: “Get over it. This isn’t the end of the story.”  He stayed emotionally present as well as physically present. He wept because her heart was broken. He wept because his heart was broken. Weeping was the only authentic reaction to the world’s brokenness that day.

Hear this: 

God’s attention span for you is unlimited. God’s capacity to sit with your pain is limitless. By marrying western stoicism with Christianity, We have limited our limitless God. We have amputated his generous heart and made him in our own image. We have cut off his compassion and created him as flawed as we are.

Here’s the truth:

He loves seeing you walk into the room no matter what’s weighing you down. He sees your pain. And no pain is too trivial for him to care about. Even the ache you woke up with today…the same grief you’re carrying in the pit of your stomach. The same ache you told him about yesterday. He has unlimited capacity to listen and hold your pain.  He’s focused on you and he’s not going anywhere.

My oldest son had his heart broken this week and I can’t stop wanting to be by his side. I made him his favorite dinner and knocked on his door dinner tray in hand, sitting on his unmade bed with trays.

And then my youngest son is feeling overwhelmed by the flurry of details being thrown his direction from online school,  three teachers with three schedules and umpteen zoom invites. He broke down in tears in the kitchen because he’s trying so hard. And I stayed and empathized. This time period IS confusing.

Every emotion is an invitation to come into the Presence of the compassionate heart of God. To be safe, seen, soothed, and secure.

We think we’re saving him time when we don’t wrestle our pain into his presence. Instead, we choose any number of ways to stuff or self-soothe. And it’s not wrong per-se, it’s just a missed opportunity. We close in on ourselves deciding we’ll deal with this one on our own, while all the time he’s knocking, a dinner tray in hand. 

Just like every other American mother, I taught my three that mommy’s kiss had special power. By the time I had my last baby, every time this elf of a child with a full head of blond curls came running for my healing kiss became gold. I knew it would stop. The older ones might come, they might not. Xavier would fling himself into my arms where I could smell his salty head as he heaved against my chest. Big eyes. Big tears. I held his gaze. I didn’t want these precious moments to end. I didn’t care what he was bringing, only that I could be with him as it all poured out. And if I could create a safe place for him to feel seen and soothed, it was not a weight, it was strange and beautiful joy. 

So here’s the surprising truth of a God full of compassion:

God looks forward to holding each one of your sorrows, his arms are always open for you to run into and he loves to keep track of the ups and downs of your day.  He values each tear, each hard work of being human in a broken world. And here’s what’s more: He himself is journaling each sorrow. His words. His pen. His compassion spelling out the story of your pain. This is the foundation of Immanuel Journaling, the holy work of positioning ourselves to receive the comfort, care, and love of God. A place to settle into the safe space God creates for us, a place where we open our eyes to his gaze always turned towards us, to be seen, to be soothed, and to be comforted until once again, we are secure.

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I want you to notice your reactions as you listen to these questions: 

Maybe you’d like to take time this weekend to journal your thoughts.

1. How were emotions treated in my family of origin?
2. What narrative did I receive about emotions from my church growing up? 
3. How did I experience the character of God growing up? Compassionate
4. What narrative did I receive about my emotions that I received from my Father?
5. What narrative did I receive about my emotions from my mother?
6. How did my dad make space or not make space for my mother’s emotions?
7. How did my mom make space for my dad’s emotions?
8. Where did I feel safe being emotionally vulnerable?
9. What is your inner monologue around emotions now? 
10. What have I believed about the unlimited and compassionate attention of God toward me?

Deep breaths: Listen and receive, hands open.

Lectio divina

Psalm 56:8-9 NLT

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

A prayer by Henry Nouwen, shared this week on the Presence Project’s facebook group by Brenda Brown: 

Dear Lord,

      Today I thought of the words of Vincent van Gogh: “It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.” You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful lover. Out of your love I came to life, by your love I am sustained, and to your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love. . . . O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know there is ebb and flow but the sea remains the sea.

Amen.”

We’ve been on holy ground. Thank you for the privilege of letting me walk us to the wailing wall and into the heart of God’s compassion. 

Before you go, I have a brand new offering that I’m loving: a live zoom class called Table of the Beloved twice a month where I get to see your faces! We’ll have one next Thursday at noon. Want to work through some of these questions together, learn more about the role of emotions in our Christian life, and practice Immanuel Journaling? Go to patreon.com/thepresenceproject and join the Table of the Beloved for this next week’s LIVE zoom session. I’m seeing it as a type of Presence Project podcast LIVE. Each table will correspond to the teaching and spiritual practice we’re doing inside the podcast. 

It’s always a privilege to journey with you. May you know today that you and all your concerns are being held in the hollow of God’s hand.