How We’ve Fought for our Marriage – 11 Practical Ways

It’s been 23 years and we’ve fought for every one. Marriage fires don’t keep burning unattended. They must be tended, stoked, blown on, fought for.

1. When love dams up, small acts of kindness opens the door for love to flow again.

Make his favorite dinner. Kiss him goodbye. Look into his eyes with kindness. Tell him you see his hard work. Make love. Often. More on that later. Do the hard work until it’s not hard work anymore.

2. Do first things again.

Wear the perfume you wore when dating, listen to “your” music, go for that hike around the lake and be quiet in wonder…together.

3. Encourage his dreams.

Mom taught me this. Early in Med school in Genoa, Italy when Dad was still trying to learn Italian in order to read his text books, she put a sign on his door: Dr. Stephan Myers. Always be on his team.

4. Do the Hard Internal Work

See the therapist. Read the books. Forgive. Your growth will pay dividends in your marriage. There is no shortcut.

5. Write an honor list.

I learned this from the DNA of Relationships and a huge thank you to Gary Smalley for the $15 paperback marriage counseling. .
What’s an honor list? Detail every little thing you appreciate about him. Include the ways he is made in the image of God. Meditate on the list until those truths come to mind before resentment has time to flood in.

6. Enjoy shoulder to shoulder time.

What does he enjoy? Pick up the fly fishing rod, pull on the waders and head to the stream. Remember: 10 to 2, 10 to 2, 10 to 2 and then lay the line out smooth.

7. Remember your story.

I made a scrapbook for our 10th anniversary, an especially hard year: our vows, camping trips, our favorite songs. With the making of every page, it drew my heart back to his. .

9. Schedule intentional dates on the daily.

A daily check-in chat. A cuddle. A weekly date. .

10. Always be available.

Yup, you read that right. Fall easily into his arms. It’s your glue.

11. Welcome him home with music.

Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. The pasta is swirling in the boiling water and the music is ready for dancing. I want his heart to always surge toward home.